Honor You Mate

1 Pet 3:1-7

This passage is very important to understand correctly because so often people abuse this passage and passages like it very badly. Understanding what it means for wives to submit to their husbands and the examples given are paramount to having a good, God centered marriage. Abuse of this passage will only bring shame on the cause of Christ and very often tear up a marriage.

Many years ago my aunt married a very evil man who seemed really good at the time. Over the course of several years, she found how despicable this man was but tried to salvage the marriage because God has always put such a high priority on marriage. After about a year of marriage, this man opened the Bible to this passage and demanded that my aunt from that time on, refer to him as lord whenever they were home. He pounded submission into her and degraded her terribly, but only until it was revealed that he had been sleeping with his daughters from his first marriage did she finally gain the courage to leave him.

What sickens me to this day is how he could use scripture so evilly and wrongly to dominate the women around him. He felt righteous in his actions because he could point to scripture and say that he was only following the Bible.

We are to honor our wives and treat them with respect and as delicate china. Wives then willingly submit to their husbands because they have complete faith that he will make decisions that are best for the family. No where does this passage or others give men the right to degrade and disrespect their wives.

PRAYER

I. How To Be A Good Wife

A. Be submissive to your husbands

1. More than culture

a) Many have argued that verses like this were simply cultural and not meant for all times.

b) In those days, it was a completely male dominated society.

c) In fact, Christianity gave women more freedom than they had ever had.

d) By being heirs with men in the gift of life, they were given more equality than just about any society allowed them.

e) That’s a little of what got women in trouble in 1 Corinthians.

f) They began to take over from the men and rebel against their husbands.

2. 1 Tim 2

a) 1 Tim 2:11-15 tells us that God’s reason for women to be in submission to their husbands is more than cultural but a God ordained order of life.

b) God made Adam first, then Eve and also because Eve was deceived by Satan.

c) We could spend a whole sermon here, but for our purposes, we need to understand this is a command of God, not simply a cultural norm of the time.

B. Power of Example

1. When I was working in Indianapolis I studied with a man for a while, trying to use all the logic I could to show him the need to give his life to Christ. It all came to a head one evening when we were talking and out of frustration, I asked him, what keeps him from doing what he so obviously knows to be the right thing. His answer really dismayed me. He told me how he saw several of the members in the church living outside of the worship and if that was what Christianity meant to our church he didn’t want to be a member of a church like that.

a) How do you argue with that?

b) Our bad example was more powerful than the gospel to this man.

2. Then there is Alma, and older lady who is good friends with Helene from Hawaii. Alma became a Christian many years ago, but her husband would have nothing to do with her faith. For years she faithfully went to worship without him, loved him, treated him with respect and always strived to be a good Godly woman. For years he watched her, seeming as if nothing she said or did sank in about her faith. Then one day all that changed as he finally opened his heart to Christ, studied with her and the minister and was soon baptized.

a) How do you argue with that?

b) This woman’s good example of Christianity lent power to the gospel for this man.

3. That is what Peter wanted women who had unbelieving husbands to understand.

4. Through their dedication to God, that example may touch the lives of their husbands and lead them also to a relationship with their Savior and Lord.

C. Beauty is more than skin deep

1. When I was younger I was very shallow when it came to dating. I liked and got good looking women. I was always attracted to the physical aspects of women rather than who they really were. Happily, I can say I matured and realized what was most important about a woman in dating and looking at marriage.

2. When my best friend and his wife came to Indy to be in our wedding, someone asked Karen if Helene was the kind of woman she expected me to marry. Karen knew me from my more immature days and said, “yes, physically, she’s what I expected, but she much deeper than I ever figured Jim would be interested in.”

3. That stung! But she was right.

4. I should have listened better to Peter when he reminded women and men both that it wasn’t the outward appearance that mattered, it was the inner self.

5. No matter how beautiful you are on the outside, it your heart isn’t right with God, you are ugly.

6. If you are beautiful on the inside, that will shine through and make the real difference in who you are.

II. How To Be A Good Husband

A. Be considerate

1. Depending on which translation you are reading from, it tells husband to live with their wives in an understanding way or a considerate way.

2. Husbands, we’re often not very good at being understanding and considerate.

a) We want to hide behind, “well, were men, that’s just how we are.”, But, that doesn’t matter. God tells we need to be considerate of our wives.

b) If you want your wife to willingly submit to you, then treat her as the great treasure she is in your life.

c) Lisa was bragging on Ken the other day. That when she is gone, he will vacuum the house, do laundry and other chores and even used to stop and pick her wild flowers every now and then.

d) That’s being considerate of your wife.

B. Treat them with respect

1. When I was in college a couple won a special award as being the most romantic couple on campus. The Wilcox weren’t your typical college aged kids still in the flush of marriage, they were in fact pushing 80 at the time. Yet, whenever they walked across campus together, they were holding hands. She laughed at all his silly jokes and he looked at her like she was a 20 something model. You couldn’t help but see a couple who loved each other desperately and showed it.

2. I think that is what Peter is getting at in vs 7.

3. Don’t just be in love, but show it so that it’s plain for everyone to see.

4. The term weaker partner here isn’t meant as a slam on women. In fact it’s meant as a great compliment to women.

a) Treat them like fine china.

b) I have two pitchers here which would I handle more carefully? Yep the beautiful fragile china one. This plastic one doesn’t have any real value at all.

c) Treat your wife like fine china.

C. Fellow heir

1. Christian wives are even more than an earthly treasure, they are our equals in light of salvation from Christ.

2. Just as God expects them to submit to their husbands, he also demands that husband treat wives as equals in Christ.

3. It isn’t about dominance of husbands over wives, it’s about what God has set up as roles for husbands and wives.

4. Pop psychology tries to tell us there is no difference between men and women, but only an idiot can’t tell there are very real differences between men and women.

a) emotionally, physiologically, and psychologically,

b) We each have a God given role to fulfill.

D. No Hindrance

1. Why has God done all this?

2. So that the family unit will work together to be a strong Christian unit.

3. That fighting and disrespecting of each other will not be acceptable and ruin our prayer life or relationship with God.

I. How To Be A Good Wife

A. Be submissive to your husbands

1. More than culture

a) Many have argued that verses like this were simply cultural and not meant for all times.

b) In those days, it was a completely male dominated society.

c) In fact, Christianity gave women more freedom than they had ever had.

d) By being heirs with men in the gift of life, they were given more equality than just about any society allowed them.

e) That’s a little of what got women in trouble in 1 Corinthians.

f) They began to take over from the men and rebel against their husbands.

2. 1 Tim 2

a) 1 Tim 2:11-15 tells us that God’s reason for women to be in submission to their husbands is more than cultural but a God ordained order of life.

b) God made Adam first, then Eve and also because Eve was deceived by Satan.

c) We could spend a whole sermon here, but for our purposes, we need to understand this is a command of God, not simply a cultural norm of the time.

B. Power of Example

a) How do you argue with that?

b) Our bad example was more powerful than the gospel to this man.

a) How do you argue with that?

b) This woman’s good example of Christianity lent power to the gospel for this man.

3. That is what Peter wanted women who had unbelieving husbands to understand.

4. Through their dedication to God, that example may touch the lives of their husbands and lead them also to a relationship with their Savior and Lord.

C. Beauty is more than skin deep

3. That stung! But she was right.

4. I should have listened better to Peter when he reminded women and men both that it wasn’t the outward appearance that mattered, it was the inner self.

5. No matter how beautiful you are on the outside, it your heart isn’t right with God, you are ugly.

6. If you are beautiful on the inside, that will shine through and make the real difference in who you are.

II. How To Be A Good Husband

A. Be considerate

1. Depending on which translation you are reading from, it tells husband to live with their wives in an understanding way or a considerate way.

2. Husbands, we’re often not very good at being understanding and considerate.

a) We want to hide behind, “well, were men, that’s just how we are.”, But, that doesn’t matter. God tells we need to be considerate of our wives.

b) If you want your wife to willingly submit to you, then treat her as the great treasure she is in your life.

c) Lisa was bragging on Ken the other day. That when she is gone, he will vacuum the house, do laundry and other chores and even used to stop and pick her wild flowers every now and then.

d) That’s being considerate of your wife.

B. Treat them with respect

2. I think that is what Peter is getting at in vs 7.

3. Don’t just be in love, but show it so that it’s plain for everyone to see.

4. The term weaker partner here isn’t meant as a slam on women. In fact it’s meant as a great compliment to women.

a) Treat them like fine china.

b) I have two pitchers here which would I handle more carefully? Yep the beautiful fragile china one. This plastic one doesn’t have any real value at all.

c) Treat your wife like fine china.

C. Fellow heir

1. Christian wives are even more than an earthly treasure, they are our equals in light of salvation from Christ.

2. Just as God expects them to submit to their husbands, he also demands that husband treat wives as equals in Christ.

3. It isn’t about dominance of husbands over wives, it’s about what God has set up as roles for husbands and wives.

4. Pop psychology tries to tell us there is no difference between men and women, but only an idiot can’t tell there are very real differences between men and women.

a) emotionally, physiologically, and psychologically,

b) We each have a God given role to fulfill.

D. No Hindrance

1. Why has God done all this?

2. So that the family unit will work together to be a strong Christian unit.

3. That fighting and disrespecting of each other will not be acceptable and ruin our prayer life or relationship with God.

E. We are different

1. God has made it that way.

2. But we are the same in spiritual matters.

3. Both need forgiveness

4. Both are given grace and mercy

5. Both can enjoy salvation.