Collisions of Love

Matt 5:21- 25

illustration using a white sheet of paper and lighter. Briefly hold flame near paper while saying hurtful words. Apologize. Try to wipe off burn marks. Can’t do.

Even when you apologize and ask forgiveness, words hurt people and often leave permanent marks in their mind and heart.

I was recently talking with a lady whose father, never had much good to say about her as she was growing up. She never caused trouble, but was just different from the father and wasn’t a son. Maybe he didn’t know how to relate to her, but whatever the reason, he rarely showed love to her and often verbally abused her. Today, after so many years being away from her family, she still carries psychological marks from the hurt her father caused her growing up. Some people can never overcome the hurtful things said to them as children. Think about that as you deal with your children. What you say today, could very well effect the rest of their lives.

PRAYER

I. The Damage of Hurtful Words

A. The simple moral fact is that works kill

1. “You’re familiar with the command to the ancients, ‘Do not murder.’ I’m telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill. (vs 21-22 the Message)

2. We say sticks and stone will break my bones but words will never hurt me.

3. The reality is that simply isn’t true. Words are incredibly hurtful.

a) Our problem is that we get so intent on winning a verbal battle at all costs, that we don’t realize how hurtful our words can be.

b) It could be between a husband and wife, employer and employee, or neighbors.

c) hurtful words have terrible consequences on people and relationships.

4. Think of past conversations in your life. Which words do you remember more acutely, nice things said or hurtful?

B. You can choose

1. One comment I hear repeatedly from people who tend to speak first and think later is: “Well, that’s just who I am.”

a) Bull, what we need to say is “Well, I just don’t want to make the effort to control my outbursts.”

b) We can choose what we say.

c) I am preaching to myself here, because I tend to be one of those people to speak before thinking of how my words will be taken by the other person.

2. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, God has given us the ability to control our angry outbursts.

a) While with Helene’s family we went to an amusement park. As we were walking towards one of the rides a white girl took a look at Helene’s cousin, took a pull on her cigarette and purposely blew the smoke in her face. I was so mad, I started to throw my elbow out and clip her as I walked by, but then a little voice in my head reminded me that Christians don’t react that way. It was really hard to listen to that thought, but I mastered my first response and just walked past her.

b) The eastern world has a very old philosophy that uttering a word is like giving birth to a baby. No more can you take a word back than to put a baby back in the womb.

c) That is a very good proverb to remember.

d) We must learn to stop and think before we speak.

e) We need to learn to respond rather than react.

II. Controlling the volume

A. We need to turn down the volume of hurtful words

1. Whether through counseling or at the feet of the father, we must learn to turn down the volume of the hurtful words of our past.

2. That isn’t an easy thing to do, but absolutely necessary if we are going to have a positive life that is proactive rather than reactive.

a) I can let the fact of being teased about being short growing up define me into a bitter self-conscious person or I can realize I am special to those who count.

b) Most importantly I am special to God

3. Rather than listening to Dad’s hurtful words when you were a child, silence them with the shouts from Calvary where God said “I love you this much!” STRETCH OUT HANDS LIKE BEING NAILED TO THE CROSS.

4. Keep a “feel good” file.

a) I have this one here, where I put special notes and nice things written to me.

b) After really hard confrontations, I pull it out from time to time to remind myself that some people do like me.

c) I have notes from adults and children, close friends and people who surprised me, people here and people no longer here. Alive and passed on. Some are from almost 15 years ago when I first started in ministry!

d) It’s a nice file to have.

B. The Power of helpful words

1. It’s great when you can stop your hurtful words before they come out.

2. It’s awesome when you can bring helpful words to someone who needs them or hear helpful words when you need them.

3. About a year into my ministry the preacher I was working with at the time told me I was a waste of the church’s money. It was devastating to me. Those words haunted me for quite a while until some of my former youth group kids talked to me after they grew up. One told me he seriously considered becoming a youth minister because of my impact on his life. Others called me for years after I had left that church to let me know they were getting married, having a child, graduating from college and so one. At my last church one of the youth told me recently that he probably wouldn’t be a Christian today if I hadn’t been there at that time of his life. He said many of the others felt the same way from that youth group.

4. Guess what, because of those comments, that minister’s words don’t haunt me today.

5. As a minister I stand before people all the time and give them advice and counsel, but I probably do more good through a few words of encouragement that through 20 classes or sermons.

6. You don’t have to be a public speaker to make a great impact on people, just share some encouraging words on you journey through life.

III. Make It Right

A. When we hurt someone, make it right

1. READ vs 23-24

2. Bad feelings left alone will fester into something that may never be fixed.

B. There are a couple of things we can learn here

1. One, God sees our relationships as important as a gift to him as our religious activities.

a) How many of us think we have a great relationship with God and hold a grudge against our brother or know that someone is deeply hurt because of our words or actions?

b) Jesus says, make things right and then come back a do your religious activities.

c) Making things right doesn’t always mean everything works out in the end.

(1) 2 people got into a discussion in which both got their feelings hurt. One finally approached the other and tried to make peace between them. It didn’t go as smoothly as the one had hoped. Did that person fail?

(2) No, Jesus tells us to make things right as much as WE can. The other’s response is between they and God.

2. Take the Initiative

a) So often people say, “well, I’m not going to say sorry until they do.”

b) Jesus tells us that isn’t acceptable to him. He wants us to take the initiative and do what is right regardless of what the other does.

C. Collisions of love

1. I have always believed that two Christians who are in a conflict should meet each other somewhere between their two homes.

2. READ Matt 18:15

3. What we learn from this passage is that we need unselfish love.

4. There is a story about 2 boys and a father fishing. Something happens and the boat capsized in the cold water. The friend is able to swim fairly well and heads for shore. The father tries to swim with his son on his back, but soon begins to tire and they try to swim separately, the friend hears the boy shout, “daddy, I can’t make it.” He looks back to see the father going to his son and holds him in the water. They both died. the friend writes, “whenever I think of unselfish love, I think of the dad who could have made it to shore, but held his son instead.”

5. That’s the power of great relationships.

6. That’s the kind of relationships God wants us to have with each other.