|
Ancient
and Honorable
Order of The Oozlefinch
Know Ye By
All These
Present
 The
Oozlefinch
Herewith Appoints Paul D. Henriott to the distingusted degree of Oozlefinchling, Gunner Attest:
He has
successfully persevered through interminable hours of
dissertation, indoctrination, impregnation, and exhortation;
He has withstood the mental ravages of fact, rumor, supposition, and myth in the rarefied atmosphere pervaded by the guided missile; And:
He has
attained that degree of stoicism and unimpassioned
imperturbality vital to OOZLEFINCHLING survival;
Therefore:
He has
earned the right to fly tail foremost with platonic detachment,
focusing clean eyes on the enemy wherever he may be.
Given
Under My Hand
and Seal This
29th Day of June 1956 at
The
Antiaircraft
Artillery and Guided Missile Center,
Fort
Bliss, Texas
Max N. Cyon Quid ad sceleratarum curamus Robert J. Wood
Signed
By:
Signed
By:
Chief Scribe Chief Oozlefinckling  I was survey
officer in the 247th Field Artillery Missile Bn.
History of the
OOZLEFINCH
 Coast Artillery Corps Guardian of all missilemen On 6 July 1956,
the Oozlefinch, legendary featherless bird of the Coast Artillery
Corps, awakened from his
sleep of several
years, tucked a Nike in the crook of his nude left leg, and, traveling
by ways known only
to
himself. arrived at Fort Bliss, Texas, the
home of the Antiaircraft and Guided Missile Center-there to
become the
guardian
of all missilemen.
Since, as it is
well known, the Oozlefinch always flies
backwards to keep dust, trivia, and other inconsequentia out of
his
eyes, the Nike is always positioned at the correct attitude.
The birth and
beginnings of this
fabulous bird were humble, almost inconsequential, and extremely
vague.
But, in true Horatio
Alger fashion, this ancient, ageless bit of improbability has risen to
a position of high honor.
The
Oozlefinch has focused his benevolent
gaze over the men of the guided
missiles. He is at once the
confidant
of generals, the protector of Very Important Persons, and above all, the guardian, patron, and
monstrous mentor of modern missilemen.
The first
recorded history of the Oozlefinch came
through the somewhat rambling mumblings of a Captain H. M. Merriam
of Fort Monroe, Virginia. Presumably a raconteur of no mean talents,
the captain must be
given the credit for discovering the bird about
1905. He
apparently was the only man who
had seen the creature, and he was
loathe to describe appearance, habits, or habitat. One physical characteristic he did
emphasize, however: the great bird's eyes.
These eyes, as vividly described by the captain, remain today as
the outstanding physical mark of the Oozlefinch.
These eyes are
large, all-seeing, unshaded by
eyelids or
eyebrows, and
rather seriously blood-shot. just why the eyes are so
prominent and red, no one seems sure. But being all-seeing, the bird
can gather more
information in a shorter period of time than mere
mortals who have conventional sight. Because his eyes were unshaded by
eyelids or eyebrows, the bird is forced to move tail foremost
to protect his powers of
observation, but also, he can turn them 180
degrees to gaze inwardly when he desires
the maximum value from
self-contemplation.
In the
chronological history of the Oozlefinch,
the wife of
Colonel E.
R. Tilton, also of Fort Monroe, follows Captain Merriam.
Sometime before Christmas of 1905 or '06, while shopping in Hampton,
Virginia, Mrs. Tilton came
across a model of a bird which
appeared to duplicate Captain Merriam's description of the Oozlefinch.
A purchase was made for an amount unrecorded. Colonel
Tilton transported the
bird to the Fort Monroe Officers Club, and there
it was accorded a perch behind the bar, where it remained for
many, many years while gradually assuming its powers of guardianship.
It appears that several
unprincipled individuals attempted to
remove the bird from his perch, and it was necessary, finally,
to
provide him with a glass cage for safekeeping.
Early in 1908,
new construction was initiated at
Fort Monroe
for the
Coast Artillery School. The constant
shake, rattle, and roll of
the dice and dice box in the bar disturbed the bar itself, and a
separate room was provided
for those individuals addicted to such
gambling. The Oozlefinch insisted on joining these festivities and
moved-glass cage and all-to the mantleshelf of an adjacent room in the
Casemate Club. This room
became famous as the "Oozlefinch Room," and
the sessions of the Artillery
Board were held there every
afternoon until long after retreat, winter and summer. The Oozlefinch
never missed a meeting, and with his all-seeing eyes, took in all of
the work of the Board, becoming
so deeply interested in its proceedings
that he practically became a member. This room became known
eventually as the "Gridiron Room" and the Oozlefinch became a member of
the "Gridiron Club" (an
organization, no doubt addicted to
drinking and gambling, but mostly to
"roasting" nonmembers). Time passed;
individuals came and went; the
Oozlefinch spent
much time
in deep professional thought,
particularly as World War
I approached. Most of this time he was under the constant care of Keeney Chapman, the Club
Steward who spent over 40 years in this
position.
During World War
1, three regiments of Coast
Artillery (the
42d, 43d,
and 52d) formed the 30th Artillery
Railway Brigade in
France. just as the eagles of Napoleon crossed the length and breadth
of Europe, so the spirit
of the Oozlefinch proceeded to France with
the Railway Artillery. He, himself, remained at Fort Monroe, but
he
kept both eyes focused on the proceedings "over there."
It was sometime
during this period that those who
remained at
Fort
Monroe thought it desirable to initiate a crest or coat-of-arms
for the Gridiron Club. The design created quite a sensation among the
noninitiated and the
secrets of its composition were never divulged
to outsiders. However. it is believed
that the heraldic story
ran
something like this:
The body of the
shield "parti per fess,
divetailed" indicates
the
general woodenness, not of the Artillery Board and the other
members of the "Gridiron Club" but of the passing throng who paid not
their toll cheerfully in
passing through the Sanctum to the bar.
"Gules and Sable:" The color of the shield is red and black-red
for the Artillery, and black in mourning for those who lost at dice by
throwing the lowest spots.
"In honor, a deuce spot of
dice, lozenged. proper:" The honor point of the shield was given to the
lowest marked dice, as it was the one which most
frequently appeared to some members, the law of probabilities to
the
contrary notwithstanding. "In nombril a gridiron
sable:" the lower half of
the shield given over to the memory of those
who did not belong to the "Gridiron Club" but who
were constantly roasted by it. The supporters, "two Oozlefinches,
regardant, proper, " were
a natural selection, "regardant" meaning looking, or better, all-seeing, with the great eyes that this bird has to protect while in flight in the manner described. The crest "a
terrapin, passant dexter proper, "
was selected
owing to the great number of these animals, cooked to
perfection by Keeney Chapman and served with great pomp to the members
of
the Artillery Board on occasions of state. This was always accompanied by libations of "red top, " red top being a now obsolete drink made in the Champagne Country of France and once imported to the United States, in times gone by that now seem almost prehistoric. The wavy bar,
over which the terrapin is passing,
represents
the adjacent waters of the Chesapeake, the natural
habitat of this animal.
Considerable
thought was given to the selection
of a motto,
and finally after considerable search among Latin
scholars, the decision was reached to utilize "Quid ad sceleratorum
curamus." It appears there
was some difficulty in
finding a Latin word for "hell" and the one selected translates
literally as "place of the
damned, " which was apparently
as near as the ancient Romans ever came to the word desired.
Freely
translated, therefore, the motto reads, "What in
hell do we care!"
During World War
II, antiaircraft artillerymen
fighting
overseas remembered the existence of the Oozlefinch and
many of them took his likeness along as their sacred guardian. His
spirit led those men who fought
in both the European
and Pacific Theaters to greater successes.
In 1946 the
Oozlefinch finally became restless at
Fort
Monroe, and as all his friends began to depart
to be replaced by individuals of various branches, he decided to move to Fort Scott, California, where the Seacoast Artillery Branch of the Artillery School and the School of Mines were activated. When these schools were closed, about 1948, the Oozlefinch retired to some unknown cloister where he turned his eyes inward and engaged in deep meditation over the events of the times and need for modernization of the Artillery. After eight
years in this secluded retirement,
the
Oozlefinch was contacted by his old friend Major General Robert
J. Wood, commanding general of the U.S. Army Antiaircraft Artillery and
Guided Missile Center,
who persuaded the
bird that the time had come for him to return to active duty. Cognizant
of the amazing activities of the descendants of
those whom he had known so well, and conscious of the need for taking
under his care the problems of modern-day
gunnery, the new guardian
of the missilemen flapped his featherless way
to the Fabulous Southwest where the high, dry, and somewhat dusty climate
admirably suited his penchant for flying
backwards.
Here at the Air
Defense Center, he appointed
General Wood
as "Chief Oozlefinchling I", authorizing the general
to speak for him during his many absences to the missile ranges. The
glorious bird also insisted
on becoming a member of
every class and every activity; on taking part in every festivity; and
on assuming protection of
students, instructors,
trainees, combat units, and in fact, all personnel of the garrison. He
charged himself, in addition, with particular care
for Very Important Visitors to the Air Defense Center and specifically,
not only to protect such visitors from the longwinded, technical
briefings and orientations
to which they were subjected, but to
accord them suitable recognition as "Oozlefinchlings" for
their punishment.
To reward
both these visitors and others, the
amazing bird
created the Ancient and Honorable Order of the
Oozlefinch, directed its incorporation under the laws of the State of
Texas, and from time to time
approved the awarding
of "degrees" to those deemed worthy of this honor. Among the degrees
were: Master, First Class,
Gunner, Apprentice, 24 Hour Expert
Oozlefinchling, and Charitable Oozlefinchling
These
degrees, which carried various
qualifications as
prerequisites for award, all required that the recipient be
physically present at the Air Defense Center for induction. The
Oozlefinch also
authorized still another degree, the coveted "Oozlefinchling, Old Timer." This degree was bestowed upon persons who qualify by virtue of their association with the bird long before he took over his present job of protecting the men who man the missiles, as well as their dedication and faithfulness to the spirit of the Oozlefinch. This degree was awarded to persons who were prohibited by age, space, or other ills from journeying in person to the shrine of the Oozle at the U.S. Army Air Defense Center. One of the
first "Old Timer" degrees was awarded
to Captain
Ellis C. Baker, who retired shortly after World
War I after service with the 42d Railway Artillery Regiment. It was a
letter from Captain
Baker to General Wood, promptly relayed to the Oozlefinch, of course, recalling the captain's association with the awkward angel of the artillerymen during World War 1, which prompted the establishment of the "Old Timer" degree. Captain
Baker's old unit, the 42d Railway
Artillery Regiment,
was the parent unit of the 42d Field Artillery Group,
now in Europe, which was one of two field artillery organizations which
trace lineage to the
Oozlefinch. The other unit
laying claim to the bird was the 64th Field Artillery Battalion (Lancers) in Hawaii, which
traced its history to the 3d
Battalion of the 43d Coast Artillery Regiment (RR). When first informed
of these units' claims, the Oozlefinch issued only
an outraged "Quid ad sceleratorum
curamus, " and flapped-tail
foremostto a remote missile firing range to sulk and brood. Later, however, he disclosed
that the birds claimed by these two units
are progeny of his still in oversea service. The sage
old bird, in a burst of magnanimity, bestowed on each of the units the degree of "Oozlefinchling,
Old Timer, " and
returned to his many duties at the AAA &GM Center.
On 1 July
1957, the U.S. Army AAA&GM Center
was
redesignated the U.S. Army Air Defense Center.
Simultaneously, Major General Sam C. Russell assumed command of the
Center and became Chief
Oozlefinchling II. He
was followed by Brigadier General Stephen M. Mellnik, Lieutenant
General (then Major General)
Marshall S. Carter,
and Major General Tom V. Stayton. Since the command of Major
General
Russell, the numbering of the Oozlefinchlings
has been discontinued.
In July
1959, after extensive talks between the
Oozlefinch
and Chief Oozlefinchling, still Major General Russell, it
was decided to drop all "degrees" except the 24-hour Expert. Prompting
this decision was the fact
that the Ancient and
Honorable Order of the Ooziefinchling had grown to over 48, 000
strong. To be qualified for this award, one must now be
a civilian guest of the Center and attend
all briefings and
missile
firings during the prescribed period.
It was not
until 2 years later, February 1961,
that the
Oozlefinch recognized the female human earthling as a guest
to the Center and came up with a second "degree," the Powder Puff Oozlefinchling. The
requirements, however,
remained the same as for the 24-hour Expert.
During the
next few years and through thousands
of missile
firings, the legendary bird seemed to turn up
everywhere, and sometimes the skinny-necked fellow was even thought to
be in two places at once.
His farthest known
migration over the years occurred in 1962 when he went to the outer
Hebrides in Scotland where
he observed with much
gusto the Corporal missile firings by the 1st U.S. Army Missile
Command
stationed in Italy.
It was
shortly thereafter, in January 1963 to be
exact, that
our intellectual friend barely escaped disaster. The
featherless bird, overseer of missilemen, had become lost in a San
Francisco fog. The exact
circumstances of this all but
fatal mishap are shrouded in official secrecy, Because, afterall, the Oozlefinch up to that time
had a reputation for
infallibility.
But this
much was made known. Enroute from
McChord Air Force
Base, Washington, on what should
have been a
routine flight, the fabulous bird, 24 hours overdue, was reported to
have overshot the 40th
Artillery Brigade helicopter
strip and nearly crashed in a heavy fog that blanketed Fort Scott.
The
venerable warm-blooded vertebrate then
became disoriented and, after barely missing a tail-on (remember he
flys backward) collision with the Marin County
Countryside tower of the Golden Gate Bridge, became totally confused.
Needless to say, he was immediately rescued,
although how is again shrouded
with red tape and mystery.
Questioning
of the Oozlefinch himself brought an
unmitigated
"no comment, " and eventual public disclosure of
the incident by the Information Officer of the 40th Brigade almost
brought the creature's incredible
career to a
heartbreaking finish.
He is
presently brooding at Fort Bliss, again in
deep
meditation, waiting for the unusual occurrence to be forgotten.
Don't be fooled, however, for though he is quiet, "the guardian of all
missilemen" is ever present in
spirit.
The Field Artillery March
By Sousa's Band  This Web Page
was created by and
is maintained by Paul D. Henriott Last updated 20 August 2008 |