An Awesome Concept
Matt 6:9-15
Many years ago, a close friend of mine had an affair with
another lady from church. When things
blew up and his wife found out, things began to go downhill in their
marriage. She agreed to stay with him
and work through what happened, but she couldn’t really forgive him. Every time they got in a fight, she would
bring up what happened years earlier.
Finally, after several miserable years, they divorced. Neither one was able to forgive the hurts
they had done to each other.
As we look at this text, we realize that forgiveness is an
integral part of our relationship with God.
The part that scares me to death is in the last couple of verses. READ vs. 14-15. Did you catch what Jesus is saying, God forgives me when I forgive those who have sinned against
me. Wow! Talk about pressure.
Dr. Calvin said several years ago he went to a professional
seminar with a world famous therapist as the main speaker. The man remarked that he was going to talk
about forgiveness as therapy. A unheard
of therapy in the early 90’s as it was believed that forgiveness was purely a
religious word, not to be mixed with professional counseling. He made the comment that counseling has done
a wonderful job at finding the source of why we are dysfunctional as
adults. Tragically, we get to the point
of blame and never move past that point, to the healing of forgiveness.
Maybe they should have listened a little more closely to
Jesus words 2000 years ago.
I. What
Forgiveness Is Not
A.
Forgiveness is not forgetting
1.
Unless we get a lobotomy, we aren’t going to forget hurts
against us.
2.
Preachers make a mistake at saying forgive and forget.
3.
It’s impossible to do.
4.
We may forgive and move on, but we probably won’t forget.
5.
In studying for this lesson, Dr. Calvin pointed out a
scripture that really caught me off guard.
a)
READ 1 Ki 15:5
b)
God doesn’t forget either!
c)
He does the same thing we do, he focuses on the blood of Jesus
rather than our sins.
d)
Forgiveness is a choice.
It’s not amnesia.
6.
The more I thought about that, the more it made sense to me
and hopefully will make sense to you.
B.
Forgiveness cannot be allowed to remain dependent upon
feelings.
1.
That’s usually what we do.
2.
We don’t forgive until we don’t hurt any more.
3.
The problem is that the hurt may never go away, and so we
never forgive.
C.
Forgiveness cannot be dependant on the people at fault
1.
Most of us say we will forgive someone when they have
sufficiently shown penance and restitution for their wrongs.
2.
The flaw in that thinking is that they may never do what they
need to do.
D.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean we should restore the relationship to
what it was before.
1.
Let me give you an example.
A young man and woman are engaged.
One day the man confesses that he has been unfaithful to his fiancée, in
fact, he has been unfaithful to her several time. She forgives him and breaks the engagement. His reaction is to say, “if you really
forgive me, we need to continue our plans to get married.”
2.
That would be a very unwise move on her part.
3.
There are relationships that we can forgive, but life doesn’t
go back to the way it was before.
4.
You may forgive, but never have the level of intimacy with the
other person, and that may be the right thing to do.
II. What
Forgiveness Is
A.
A definition of forgiveness
1.
Dr. Calvin taught his children a definition of forgiveness
when they were small that works just as good for us who are adults.
2.
Forgiveness is treating another person as though they never
hurt you.
3.
You see forgiveness, really has more to do with our behavior
than our feelings.
a)
We can’t always control our feelings, but we can control our
behavior.
b)
It’s the same with God’s definition of love. It’s based on behavior rather than feelings.
B.
Forgiveness is a thought process
1.
Sometime in dealing with hurt, we focus on the guilt of the
person who hurt us.
2.
That isn’t a very healthy focus because it always bring up the
bad feelings associated with the act.
3.
Forgiveness is a deliberate decision to thing positive,
productive thoughts.
4.
James Dobson says forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt
you for hurting me.
III. Steps To Healthy
Forgiveness
A.
How do we learn to practice healthy forgiveness? Here are some steps to help.
1.
Realize the deep connection between God’s forgiveness of you
and your forgiveness of others.
a)
I have always understood this passage to mean that God won’t
forgive you unless you forgive others.
b)
In reading for this another possible interpretation was put
forth.
c)
If you won’t forgive others, it’s like shutting off a
valve. Forgiveness can’t flow from of
you or to you.
d)
It’s not that God can’t forgive you, but that you don’t allow
yourself to receive the benefits of his forgiving you.
e)
I’m not sure, I agree with this interpretation, but it’s one
to think about and study some more on your own.
2.
Allow God to take your eyes off the offense and offender and
trust God to deal with your offender appropriately in time or eternity.
a)
In other words, leave it to God. He can handle it.
3.
Realistically accept that people are not perfect
a)
Now, it’s easy to get cynical about life and that’s not what I
am saying.
b)
Realize that people including ourselves make mistakes and we
are all in need of forgiveness from time to time.
4.
Be willing to take some degree of relational risk
a)
Forgiveness is a risk.
We can get burned by people not acting as they should.
b)
But, it’s a risk that’s worth taking.
5.
Understand that trustworthiness will take time to reestablish.
a)
When you have been hurt, you don’t bounce back into trusting
someone again.
b)
It takes time to trust them again, and if that’s the right
thing to do in the relationship, take the time.
c)
Most relationships are worth rebuilding.
6.
Refuse the temptation to control the offender with a nothing
is ever good enough mentality.
a)
Remember the story of my good friend who ended up
divorced? That was a big part of the
problem.
7.
Examine the scriptures of refusing to forgive.
a)
Read the stories of Cain and Able
b)
Saul and David
c)
The older brother and the prodigal son
d)
You see that it doesn’t pay to withhold your forgiveness.
8.
Look at scriptures that show forgiveness
a)
God and Israel
b)
Esau and Jacob
c)
The father and the prodigal son
d)
It does pay to forgive
9.
Let God help you start the healing process
10.
Understand God’s forgiveness for you and see how that
gratitude positively effects your capacity to forgive other.
B.
Final Story
1.
Cory Ten Boom tells the story of a time when she was talking
about forgiveness after WWII. She was a
survivor of the concentration camps that took the lives of most of her
family. In the back of the audience she
recognized a man who sent instant fear and loathing her. He was the man who had stripped her naked,
sprayed her with insecticide, and mocked her as she entered the concentration
camp. As she talked, she also prayed to
God, “How could you do this to me when I am talking about THIS subject. That is so unfair.” Yet, at the end of the service, she walked
up to the man and said, “God loves you and so do I.” In doing that act of obedience, she began in her own life the
release of bitterness from the prison camp.
2.
Forgiveness is a awesome thing.
3.
How will you handle it?